My growing belly has been a source of joy and pain in these past few months. I have been less than sexy while vomiting, waddling, and in my case spitting. The last time I was pregnant was over 11 years ago and approximately 7 weeks after my at home pregnancy test I remembered way I waiting so long. Pregnancy can suck!
11 years ago I was just turning 20, pregnant with my second child, single, and broke. On top of those minor inconveniences, I was terribly sick, extremely uncomfortable, and depressed. It was a lonely time. I was disappointed in myself and unhappy about my perceived future.
Now, years later, I have two amazing sons, a beautiful stepdaughter, a loving husband, career success, and supportive friends and family. I am happy, healthy, and aware, I have chosen to have a natural at home birth with a midwife. I feel confident about my future and I am in love with life.
The problem: The previous paragraph is only what I realize between the bouts of aches, pains, and discomforts of being pregnant. Approximately 70% of my day I am complaining (if my mouth isn't full of spit) and miserable. I don't enjoy being what feels like "fat" especially since for the last 6 years I have been working hard to stay trim and slim. Besides the fact that my breast are the size of someones head, my thighs are touching and I can barely walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing. I don't feel attractive and my glow seems to radiate for everyone except me. In my own mirror I just don't see it.
Problem two: I am extremely horny. What in the world?! I don't understand this at all. I mean the time in my life that I feel the least attractive, I want the most sex. I want my husband to caress and kiss me all over and make love to me multiple times a day. But lately I notice that even he is "turned off" by consistent state of UNCOMFORTABLE. In the mornings I notice he gets out of bed with a full agenda before I can roll over and attack. Poor thing... I don't blame him, smh.
Usually all of this would drive me mad. I feel the urge to cry every time I see some cute and shiny young woman bouncing down the street with her shinny jeans on and a tank top with no need for bra. My green eyes beamed at ladies in sexy high heels and a small waistline. I nearly ran over one girl as she pranced across the street with her booty shorts and iPod showing off her sculpted thighs. I came close but I didn't.
What did happen was my Powers kicked. My baby (Powers) rolled in my tummy and reminded me that I am the only woman in the entire world that would ever have the opportunity to hold her, to nurture her, to be one with her in this very intimate way. All of the envy that consumed me just moments before left my mind and I was filled with tremendous joy. I felt my "Powers" and I was blessed by her presence. I am chosen. I am special. I am unique.
That moment trumped every pain, ache, or discomfort. Every feeling of unattractiveness or loneliness melted into nothingness and I experienced bliss. Today I am what no slim, trim, skinny jean wearing, no-titty having woman would never be... I am the Mother of Powers Abundant.
I will get my body back next year but as for now, I am enjoying the fabulous vessel for Powers that I am today!
Follow me on twitter.com/ministajazz
11 years ago I was just turning 20, pregnant with my second child, single, and broke. On top of those minor inconveniences, I was terribly sick, extremely uncomfortable, and depressed. It was a lonely time. I was disappointed in myself and unhappy about my perceived future.
Now, years later, I have two amazing sons, a beautiful stepdaughter, a loving husband, career success, and supportive friends and family. I am happy, healthy, and aware, I have chosen to have a natural at home birth with a midwife. I feel confident about my future and I am in love with life.
The problem: The previous paragraph is only what I realize between the bouts of aches, pains, and discomforts of being pregnant. Approximately 70% of my day I am complaining (if my mouth isn't full of spit) and miserable. I don't enjoy being what feels like "fat" especially since for the last 6 years I have been working hard to stay trim and slim. Besides the fact that my breast are the size of someones head, my thighs are touching and I can barely walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing. I don't feel attractive and my glow seems to radiate for everyone except me. In my own mirror I just don't see it.
Problem two: I am extremely horny. What in the world?! I don't understand this at all. I mean the time in my life that I feel the least attractive, I want the most sex. I want my husband to caress and kiss me all over and make love to me multiple times a day. But lately I notice that even he is "turned off" by consistent state of UNCOMFORTABLE. In the mornings I notice he gets out of bed with a full agenda before I can roll over and attack. Poor thing... I don't blame him, smh.
Usually all of this would drive me mad. I feel the urge to cry every time I see some cute and shiny young woman bouncing down the street with her shinny jeans on and a tank top with no need for bra. My green eyes beamed at ladies in sexy high heels and a small waistline. I nearly ran over one girl as she pranced across the street with her booty shorts and iPod showing off her sculpted thighs. I came close but I didn't.
What did happen was my Powers kicked. My baby (Powers) rolled in my tummy and reminded me that I am the only woman in the entire world that would ever have the opportunity to hold her, to nurture her, to be one with her in this very intimate way. All of the envy that consumed me just moments before left my mind and I was filled with tremendous joy. I felt my "Powers" and I was blessed by her presence. I am chosen. I am special. I am unique.
That moment trumped every pain, ache, or discomfort. Every feeling of unattractiveness or loneliness melted into nothingness and I experienced bliss. Today I am what no slim, trim, skinny jean wearing, no-titty having woman would never be... I am the Mother of Powers Abundant.
I will get my body back next year but as for now, I am enjoying the fabulous vessel for Powers that I am today!
Follow me on twitter.com/ministajazz
2 comments:
Simply BEAUTIFUL!!!
Simply BEAUTIFUL!!!!
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